Sunday, December 16, 2012
The Crucifier (2005)
Pack: Tomb of Terrors
Length: 90 minutes
Director: Bill Zebub
Writer: Bill Zebub
Starring: Rachel DeGenaro, Elena Kagan, Rocco Martone
Synopsis: Friends are invited to an LSD party. The host suffers a psychotic episode, and guests become captives. A friend has become a stranger as his delusions rule his thoughts. The forest becomes filled with unfortunate victims who die in a horrible manner. Will there be an end to the ritualistic torture?
Review: The Pendulum Pictures packs certainly support Bill Zebub's movies as The Crucifier is the third one so far. Unfortunately, it looks as if this one is mostly made up of the extra footage shot at the same time as Kill the Scream Queen (2004).
Basically, the lengthy shots of mostly topless and bored-looking women crucified against trees in the woods which weren't used in Kill the Scream Queen now have a small but intentionally confusing wraparound story about a schizophrenic guy (Rocco Martone) in a Hallowe'en mask who thinks he's Jesus and needs to kill Mary Magdalene to get his powers back. It's suggested that there might be something Satanic and supernatural going on, but as the story progresses, it becomes more obvious that it's all delusion.
Beautiful Kerri Taylor is "Magdeline" (spelled incorrectly in the credits) who the Schizo ties to the heater in his basement and dictates a new gospel to. At one point, she apparently gets raped, but there's nothing to see other than her body movements or that she's topless for 99% of her screen time. The latter should be a good enough reason for anyone to get something out of this movie anyway.
Most of Bill Zebub's friends and regulars are in this including Suzi Lorraine ("Suzie" with an "e" in the credits) as the final female victim, and bar-owner Freddie Dingo as "Fred the Crucifier" who appears briefly for the "twist" at the end. If you think you've seen Suzi Lorraine before, you probably have. She's been in quite a lot of these low-budget movies including a very small role in Death from Beyond which is on disc 2 of "Tomb of Terrors".
For what it is, The Crucifier isn't a bad looking no-budget home movie. The story is also okay but nothing special. The real problems are that it's dragged out with some absolutely horrible music in the background, there's barely any horror action or blood, and, of course, the acting is as minimal as can be.
Most Memorable Moment(s): The Schizo crucifying himself (which sounds better when written than it actually is).
Originality: Fairly original given the twist at the end.
Best Line(s): "After all, I am without sin so I should cast the first stone."
Worst Line(s): "Words are just scribbles to you. They have no meaning to a god."
Best Effect(s): The blood.
Worst Effect(s): The masks.
Goriness (out of 10): 1
Sexiness (out of 10): 3
Profanities (out of 10): 3
Hottest Actor/Actress: Suzie Lorraine
Picture Quality: Good (4:3 ratio)
Audio Quality: Good
Rating (out of 10): 2
IMDb or Wiki: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0476978/
Final Thoughts: Really just an excuse to look at more naked women.